Davoody's 5 Step Guide to becomming a PIMP!

STEP ONE - Your Gotta Get Kitted Out
Now, listen real closely, because looking like a pimp is the most important step in your journey to pimpdom. People will never know that you're a pimp unless you look like one. You want to look like you're ready to boost anything or anyone. Alright now, the first thing that you're gonna need is a pimpin' Xbox. You also need a cool gamertag: something that says "Hey, Im a pimp. Would you like to do it Xbox style with me?". Personally, I recommend a booster account. I used to sport it during my golden years as an up & coming Dead or Alive Whore. Booster accounts are a necessity. Nothing says pimp like some big booster accounts. And, no, Live Account Sharing and Gamesave Glitching are NOT acceptable.

STEP TWO - Get Yourself Tooled Up
After you've got the xbox setup down, you need to pick up some big pimpin' games. Sports games work best. Its physically impossible to not score playing anything EA; Unless you're Leichat. Under the sports games, get on childrens titles & some banging arcade titles. Top it all off with some nice little game about a huge monkey, and you'll be a pimp and banging in the G$ in no time. But kitting yourself out like a pimp isn't all there is to it.

STEP THREE - You Gotta Get The Voice Down
After you've got the pimp look down and all tooled up, you need to learn to talk like a pimp. First, the voice. You wanna talk in a low, throaty voice like Gillian Talforth or Barry White. No, a voice like Spongebob doesn't cut it. Stand in front of the mirror for 15 minutes everyday, practicing your voice.
Alright. So you've got the voice down. Time to learn the 10 phrases you will ever need to know as a pimp. The only things you will ever need to say as a pimp are:

  • "It is my duty to please that boosty."
  • "BOOM, headshot."
  • "Bitch, you know what I want."
  • "Where's my Achievement?"
  • "Let's do it. Xbox Style."
  • "Who's your daddy?"
  • "Hi, My name's XXXX and I'm an gamerholic"
  • "Say what? You're a Playstation?"
  • "Boost."
  • "Baby, if you were a booster, I'd pick you first."

Good. Say each one of these ten times each. Then watch a HD movie off video marketplace. Your ready for step four.

STEP FOUR - King of the Ranked BOOST
Well, I think that the next best thing to being a pimp is a being a Ranked BOOST dealer. This is a more dangerous way to make G$ because you are dealing with more dangerous situation's. To start it off, you must find your way to being a BOOSTER through other BOOSTERS. You have to get contacts and find out where your local BOOSTER is getting his stash from and where and when his BOOST is going down. I am not an expert on this subject but once you get the connections all you have to do is be carefull of gready BOOSTERS that do not want to share customers with you. You need to watch out for these guys. We in the trade refer to these wasters as VIPERS. If your boosting with a VIPER you'll know about it sure enough. To make it to the top of the PIMP ladder, ranked BOOSTING is the way to get noticed. Set-Up BOOSTS, Feed The Whores G$ and get regonisged in the trade as a decent supplier of acheivements.

STEP 5 - Get Your Whores In Line
If your still with me at this point you have reached the most important part of becoming a pimp. After you have completed and have nailed this step along with the other four, you can officially start to be considered as a pimp. My young pimpawan's, its time for you to get yourself a hoe.

Now, it is physically impossible to be a pimp without owning a hoe. Owning a hoe is what constitutes being a pimp. They go hand in hand, like puppies and chainsaws. Of course, hoes don't just appear out of nowhere. You've got to go out and find yourself a hoe. And no, a trip to B&Q will not suffice, wrong type of hoe dude. You've got to know where to look. Lounging around some skanky forum looking for your regular old gamerscore whore isn't going to cut it. You've got to look where you'd least expect it. Keep an eye out for hoe material on gamertags. Sure signs of a hoe-worthy gamerscore whore are having played and completed King Kong and pratically anything from EA. Get these hoe's on board and onto your friends list quick smart.

Ok so that's it, 5 steps to becoming a pimp. Take note and happy hunting.

See you on the boost.

Davoody